JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

Jotaro Kujo

The creator of JoJo's, Hirohiko Araki at age 84.

JoJo's Bizarre Adventure is a manga created sometime in the 1980s by some asian named Hirohiko Araki, because he had nothing better to do . This series is famous for Dio Brando. JoJo's Bizarre Adventure is Shounen Jump's second longest-running manga ever, and because it is the origin of two memes, za warudo and WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY, it is the only good manga to have ever been created. No exceptions (well maybe except for Fist of the North Star).

Plot

Each arc of JoJo's Bizarre Adventure follows the same plot, which consists of a member of the Joestar bloodline pissing off some faggot with at least one superhuman ability in some manner. It has eight arcs because Araki has ADHD, and these arcs are:

• Phantom Blood:

A rip off of Castlevania and Fist of North Star because Araki wrote this shit in the 80's proving he was just an untalented hack. A story about the beautiful gay love between Jonathan and Dio. Dio was born an asshole and raped by his dad so he killed JoJo's dog and raped his girlfriend. After getting his sissy British ass slapped by Jonathan's shit, Dio got butthurt and decided to become a vampire by doing some sort of satanic sacrifice shit that requires a stone mask made from some gay caveman. Jonathan later beat Dio's ass by using some bullshit Kung Fu technique named after fat pig thighs but was ambushed later by Dio on a poorly made British ship, which it blows up, leaving Dio trapped inside a coffin with Jonathan's body for at least 100 years. Jonathan's bottom bitch Erina magically survived with an asspull.

• Battle Tendency:

Araki, being the untalented hack he is, goes through his glamour magazine of things to rip off and rips off Indiana Jones. This time, Joseph Joestar, a swaglicious gangster which, unlike his sissy grandfather is now facing off evil vampire caveman of Aztec that created the mask. After learning the existence of those evil motherfucker from a guy who he just blown up with a bag of grenade, he went to Mexico to rescue his uncle SPEEEEDAWAGOOOON and met a fucking Nazi with a french accent, who later becomes a cyborg because GERMAN SCIENCE IS THE BEST IN THE WORLD!!! Joseph later met a douchebag from Italy, who just happened to be the descendant of some Italian Kung Fu master from part 1. There is also a milf, who just happens to be Joseph's mom, which he jacked off to. Together, they had a typical Naruto training arc. In the end, Kars, the leader of team rocket trio succeed his ultimate life form, which grants him everything in world but sex and use that power to rape Joseph. However, he was fucked off by an asspull and was sent to Mars. Joseph later fucked some bitch for a daughter and the daughter banged a small asian penis and fart out a boy, and that boy will be the protagonist in:

• Stardust Crusaders:

Another shittastic sequel about some douchebag named Jotaro, who can fist with his creepy ghost sturr planshurr. He is accompany by his granddad Joseph from part 2, who can use the kung fu technique from part 1 and some silly purple tentacles that could projectile pornography on TV screen. His friend Kakyoin, a weird autistic kid who likes to rerorerorerorero his cherry and rape people with his green tentacle ghost. Avdol, an sandnigger with a silly fire chicken ghost, Polnareff, a retarded french with shitty hair with a ghost that can use a sword, and Iggy, a dog that can fart on people. Together, they will engage in Mortal Kombat with Dio, who survived from part 1 and stole Jonathan's body to rape more wimminz. Only Jotaro is able to do anything because we all know protagonist likes to do asspull, even when facing off some vampire who can stop time and drops a fucking steamroller out of no where.

• Diamond is Unbreakable:

Also know as Duwang's bizarre translation. It's about some kid name Jewsuke, one of Joseph's offspring after he went around the globe and raped some people. Him and his gay ass ghost would go around causing trouble to stop people with superpowers, who were raped by some magical arrow. They later would go fight a bomb terrorist named Kira who loves sucking on hands and proceeds to him to The Pentagon. Kira was later raped by a bunch of hands in afterlife, after getting pwned by asspulls coming from some little girl and a dog he murdered.

• Vento Aureo (Italian for "Golden Wind"):

This arc is about Dio/Jonathan's disgusting race mixing meth baby named Gio, who is probably the worst Joestar since he had Jonathan's boring gene inside him. He is destined to become a pirate king/hokage/George Bush or some shit after saving a retard with gun. He joined a team of gangsta formed by some homo that licked him, who are all magic users that can either summon some silly airplane or create some super dangerous virus that can kill everything. Gio later killed the major antagonist name Diavolo with another asspull and becomes the pirate king/hokage/Geoff Knightly he always wanted.

• Stone Ocean:

Also known as the Evangelion of the series. The daughter of Jotaro named Jolyne was left in the prison to get raped thanks to his douche bag father. She was suddenly told by him to get in the fucking robot because some nigger priest is going to destroy the world. After fighting some imaginary friend that can suck your soul, the priest succeeded by saying some gibberish to some ugly ass mutant baby and becomes god that can move in infinite speed, but was lose to some kid with another retarded asspull. Oh and frogs rain, snails running around, cartoon characters are out to suck yo souls, and time is speeding up. What the fuck is going on.

• Steel Ball Run:

A complete retcon of the series because Araki realized all his previous work is an unoriginal rip off of Fist of North Star. This time, Johnny Joestar, a fucking cripple with daddy issue joined some stupid ass race named steel ball run because no one in American has an original idea but to host horse running race in eighteen-ninety-something. He joined the race because some Italian gold teeth swag name Gyro has a nice ass or something and it gives him the hard on to stand up. He would later fighting raptor Jesus, the actual french cyborg Stroheim and other retards, including the president of united states as final boss. Johnny later lost the fucking race to the same Dio from part 1, except Dio had his head turned into some sponges by a little girl with asspull. Because of that, some luckiest lazy nigger in the world was the winner. Oh and Johnny was later had his head crush by a rock. MOZZARELLA!

• Jojolion:

Some pornographic fantasy featuring Araki's newly retcon'ed self insert Jo2uke. Basically Jo2uke had the memory and balls swapped with some dead guy who happened to be Kira from alternative reality. He met a dumb slut name Yasuho Hirose, whose mom is also a slut and he got adopted by some rich prick who he later treats them like shit.

AND THAT'S ALL FAGGOT!!!111

Characters

All the characters are well-designed and realistic. The protagonist of each arc always has the term "Jo" somewhere in his/her name twice. Other characters are generally named after singers or bands, Italian food, or fashion companies. Sooner or later, they're going to be named after memes. Sometimes though, Araki decides to be a normal Azn and make their names Japanese. The main characters for each arc are as follows:

Father Pucci's Father Bootylicious's stand, C-Moon.

• Jonathan Joestar - Basically the OP of all the JoJos. No one cares about him because he got pwned by Dio when he was a head in a jar.

• Will Zeppeli - The guy who taught Jonathan the ripple. Gets chopped in half and transfers his life energy to Jonathan.

• Robert E.O. Speedwagon - Once threw a hat at Jonathan and became his BFF after Johnathan beats the shit out of him. Later on all he really does for the rest of the series is shit himself when something scary happens..

• Dio Brando - The first troll in the series. He one day decides to troll Johnathan until he gets trolled himself. Since he doesn't want to appear butthurt, he turns himself into a vampire and trolls the Joestar family even after he's dead. Unfortunately, faggots are diluting his badassness by using "WRYYYY" as much as they quote Family Guy.

• Joseph Joestar - Usually regarded by fans as the rough equivalent of Chuck Norris. Reappears again in the 3rd and 4th series as an old faggot with a stand that lets him tentacle rape. He is also well known for having the power of predicting what other people are about to say. He sides with Nazis and is generally a massive asshole, so it's no surprise that he's the most popular Jojo among Americans.

• Caesar Zeppeli - So apparently Caesar had a kid, and then his kid had a kid, and they got more homosexual with each generation. His special abilities is to handle soap bubble, which sucks and was killed after being crushed by a cross.

• Rudolf Von Stronheim - Cyborg Nazi. Also the inspiration for Guile. GERMAN SCIENCE IS THE BEST IN THE WORLD!!!!!

• Pillar Men - Three swole old fucks named Kars, Esidisi, and Wammu. There's also Santana but nobody gives a fuck about him. The leader Kars later evolves so much that sex is useless to him, but was then thrown into outer space for the rest of the series, at least not until father niggerlicious made 36 copies of him on mars.

• Jotaro Kujo - The JoJo who started the whole trend with stands in his arc. He's supposedly 17 when he's first introduced in the 3rd arc, but apparently looks like he's in his 30s, and every series he reappears in afterwards, he looks younger. Fangirls often make up fan art and/or fanfic about him having sex with his buttbuddy, Kakyoin. He kills Dio with a Falcon Punch at the end of the 3rd series. His stand is a blue she-male called Star Platinum that can fisting at the speed of light.

• Kakyoin Noriaki - Jotaro's 17 year old ass slave, is Part 3's Caesar. gets his ass completed busted if Jotaro doesn't step with the safe word (Star Platinum) to wreck shit, get killed by Dio effortlessly, completely useless.

• Yoshikage Kira\Kosaku Kawajiri - David Bowie. A virgin with a stand that can blow everything up, including 2 buildings. He had a hard on on Mona Lisa painting when he was a child and decided to marry dead girl hand without anyone noticing. He later did a plastic surgery because we all know how disgusting David Bowie look and adopted a fuck up plant cat thing that can manipulate air. Unlike other villains, all he want was a quiet life and was ruined when the JoJos fucked him up into a ghost. Kira did nothing wrong.

• Josuke Higashikata - Elvis Presley wannabe (his hair is a fucking pompadour) with money instincts of a Jew, which makes him the coolest JoJo out of all. He is apparently known for flipping out on anyone who makes fun of his ridiculous hair. His stand can do fix shit and is also the biggest pussy because he's the only Jojo who doesn't have the balls to actually kill anyone. Though to be fair, he did turn someone that pissed him off into a living toilet, which counts for something I guess. He is apparently Araki's #1 despite being the gayest jojo to ever exist.

• Koichi Hirose - A Midget who cheats at life, He starts off with a shit stand but through hax it evolves and becomes the funniest character in Part 4, The cheating little midget also gets a nice tsudere waifu and Jotaros infinite respect.

• Giorno Giovanna - Dio's bastard child, which let him inherit some of Dio's win. Started out looking like a typical azn, but as he grew stronger, his hair turned yellow and his eyes became blue. His first stand was a weak piss-yellow bitch that did nothing but grow trees, but after it got stabbed by a magical arrow it gained the ability to divide by zero.

• Diavolo - A duo personality faggot who started the whole stands shit by shooting everyone with arrows in the knee for the lulz. Destined to be a true Italian gangster but was raped by GioGio and was cursed to be raped at every moment. He also has a stand that erase times, which made no fucking sense at all since not even the fans, or the author understand how it works. It just works I guess? His other not important persona is Doppio, who is an autist that likes phone.

• Cioccolata - Crazy fucker who killed old men and made them go full An hero mode. Ends up getting his ass pwnt by Giorno and his corpse getting in a garbage truck.

• Jolyne Kujo - Was starred as the main heroine in the 6th series as a short break from the meat train of male JoJos, but due to his faggotry, Araki drew her like a man. Thanks to her shitty dad Jotaro, she is a female prisoner in California, meaning she has been raped. Her boyfriend is a tranny and her stand is made of silly string.

• Father/Enrico Pucci - Dio's butt-buddy who joins Dio after he offered him a bucket of fried chicken in a watermelon basket. He once trolled his funny hair brother Wes by calling the KKK on him because he was fucking his sister, and hilarious shit happened because KKK also killed his sister for being a nigger. Being the nigger he is, he is destined to destroy all great thing by reset the universe at least 36 times. Around blacks, never relax. Also know for having an impossible haircut and shit taste in fashion like every other characters in the series.

• Johnny Joestar/Gyro Zeppeli - Take Johnathan and Will from the first arc, and then make them 10 times gayer. Nobody gives a fuck about either of them because Johnny is a cripple who shoots his nails at people, and Gyro is a gay cowboy. Obviously these two were created after Araki had seen Brokeback Mountain one too many times. They both have some stupid spin abilities which Araki made up by reading Wikipedia, similar to every stand he creates. While Gyro can shoot his two spinning balls, Johnny can shoot his finger nails. Later Johnny's stand got super that he becomes a rape machine and not only spin through heaven, but also teared the president of united states a new asshole.

• Diego Brando - The Dio in alternative universe thanks to nigger priest. He is a raptor Jesus and can apparently turning anything he touches into one of his reptilian cult. He has been shown dead at least 5 times due to some time paradox phenomenon mumbo jumbo.

• Funny Valentine - An American who had the gayest name with the gayest look and the gayest looking stand in the series. He is apparently the president of the united states despite being a homosexual in the 1890s. He got his power after he fucked a corpse in the desert, which allows him to access into other dimension to fuck his other selves also send anyone into other dimension will turn them into sponges if they collide. He also attempt to rape a 14 year old girl.

• Josuke Higashikata Again - Otherwise known as Jo2uke or Gappy. this guy wears a sailor outfit and needs a serious case of dental plan. His stand, named Soft and Wet of all things, has bubbles that steal more shit from your body than your average nigger. He is pretty autistic that he loves to be fucked by a mattress while sleeping and solving math in a matter of seconds(then again, he is an azn and all azn can do math). He also has four balls.

Stands

Stands are the physical manifestation of whatever super power each JoJo's character has. They first appeared in part three, and were given a name based on their color and the given tarot card. When he ran out of tarot cards, Araki started naming them after Egyptian gods. Later Araki got fucking lazy, so he decided to start naming them after songs/bands. It can be noted that Araki is a lazy fuck, and every final boss has a stand with some sort of time ability. At least 80% of these make no fucking sense without a tl;dr explanation. The final boss of part 6 involves speeding up time so fucking fast the universe resets. Meanwhile, living things don't get sped up, which leads to them getting pwnd by things as simple as automatic doors. The final boss of part 7 has a stand that allows the user to travel between dimensions.

Other Memes of Note

It was me, DIO!

Basically a Bait-and-switch that originated on tumblr from the Phantom Blood anime that goes like "You expected X, but it was me, DIO!"

Even Speedwagon is afraid

Another meme taken from the first part of the manga that has Speedwagon afraid of something because he's a little bitch.

To be continued

Based off of the ending cliffhangers in original Jojo episodes, where the song “Roundabout” by Yes would play. This shit was being used by faggots that didn’t even know Jojo existed.

Pictures

Gallery About missing Pics

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  Oh, part six takes place in Florida. This is Annui, discussing with Weather Report the lack of Disney characters in the Disney guidebook.
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  Diavolo, the menacing villain from part five, with some dude's foot in his crotch (Risotto's).
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  Dio Brando making his trademark sound.
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  The protagonist from part four. What's sad is that the weirdest part of this picture is his hair.

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

• 
  I'm not sure if this is regular guro or necrophilia, really.
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  Kira with his girlfriend.
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  JESUS CHRIST IT'S A COCK
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  Just for the lulz.
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  The mafia initiation rites in part five.
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  Fuck the speech bubble, look at the fucking epic flat-top.
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  Because Risotto is still wearing pants, Doppio is doing it wrong.
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  That's actually from the mango. No editing. Seriously.
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  Standcest, the Rule 34 of stands and their users, is common.
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  Father Bootylicious is one of the only black person in animu.
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  Really, do I really have to say anything
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  Dio's ultimate form is Raptor Jesus.
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  An average scene in JoJo’s.
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  typical moment in part 3.
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  Fact: all jojo fans have one of these

See Also

• WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
• Za Warudo
• Ryulong

JoJo's Bizarre Adventure is part of a series on Anime Visit the Anime Portal for complete coverage.