Screen name
All sheeple have screen names because as it is implied it is your name on the internet. It's used to communicate with all kinds of people all over the world, but mostly it's used to procure secks (usually the butt kind). As a rule all men are gay and all women are hot, blond, and 18. They are also usually Bubba.
Making a successful Screen name
In order to make a successful screen name, you must take into account the following things (no regard for spelling is MANDATORY):
For White people:
- your sport
- your gender
- a meaningful number of some sort (weight, address, age, birth date, PIN, Social Security number, bra size)
- something incorporating the word darkness (emos only)
Examples: socrchick944, hockeygurl321, football4lyfe666420, sk8terdude718
For Azns:
- your specific Asian nationality, or just AzN
- your gender
- Mickey Mouse has to be in your name
- your Asian name
Examples: Vietboi35, azNm1ckymous3, krngrl55<3, THAItraniboy, chongchong132
For Black people and other minorities that all look alike anyways:
- your race
- your gang status
Examples: BL4CKD33lR, AznPryD3_9, thuggachik6969, sexyred019 -Note: Lying on the internets saying that you are black person can get you severely injured/flamed/killed.
For Emofags:
- gratuitous amounts of x's on either side of your name
- a phrase that expresses your deep inner turmoil (preferably song lyrics or lines from well known poems)
- a number (to show you weren't the first to come up with the idea)
Examples: nonconformist933, xxxxxathousandtearsxxxxx, xXxTHESEWOUNDSTHEYWILLNOTHEALxXx, xKr0wnx
For Trolls:
- a slur for the intended troll victims
- something implying homosexuality
- ALL CAPS
Examples: FAGTRON3000, CUMSUKKKAR, LIBS_R_GAYFAGS, xxDeezNutzxx
For Furries:
- the name of your fursona
- the fursona's species
- something about the fandom (so people know just what you are)
Examples: Drakky, MitsuTehSkunkki, Yiffwhore456, DerSquirrel
For Otaku:
- The name of a popular anime character, or even better, two characters' names mixed together
- Your POWAR LEVEL
- Random Japanese words or phrases
- Some kawaii-desu! emoticons
Examples: SSJiniysha666, SuperGotenk9000Ranma, ^_^*SailorChibiChibiKawaiNekoSakuraPrincess*^_^
Your Internet Identity
Now that you have established yourself on one site, it's important to use a similar, if not the same, name on other websites, so that your fans can follow your every move online and that much more easily become a real life fan.
All good screen names are taken
Unfortunately, teh internetz has been around too long. This means that since last Thursday ALL good screennames are taken. We're fresh out!
Luckily we have auto generated screen names now. Just take what is given to you, fucktard!
So this means that for a random person, let's say: JRR Tolkien, born 1892, living in the Englandz, would fill out a form with these data in it. We would then have a computer program select appropriate screen names, presenting this user with the following two options:
- Hobbitbasher_1892
or
- J18R92R_Tol_UK_kien
And the luser has to choose whichever of the two he or she likes best.
Unfortunately there is no way to get around this system, it will be effective only when all websites in the world are going too use it, so we make it mandatory.
Screen Name Theft
Remember you are a snowflake and the most original person on the internets evar!!! Therefore, anyone with a similar screen name to yours is obviously copying you or trying to steal your identity. Be sure to harass them constantly about it until they give up and change names. Remember no one will defend your crappy DevianTART account except you!
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Screen name is part of a series on Visit the Softwarez Portal for complete coverage. |
