Civil Rights
If you live in the Western World, you may occasionally hear the term Civil Rights thrown about. Whether it is from a nigra getting the ever loving fuck beaten out of him by a cop, an annoying asshole receiving a jolt of tazer joy or a redneck screaming about the government confiscating his missile launcher, you will hear this phrase A LOT. If you live in the East, these words are usually heard shortly before a bullet penetrates the speaker's head.
What They Are
Civil Rights are an illusion, and are in no way guaranteed to anyone at any time for any reason. However, for those who believe in this ludicrous fairly tale, here are the details: Civil Rights are supposedly freedoms and protections provided to the Citizens of a country in that country's governing documents. No one with the requisite intelligence to found a country would ever be dumb enough to do this, but they allow their serfs to indulge in this illusion.
The American Experiment
Nowhere do the people scream louder and more often that their Civil Rights are being violated than in America. These self-entitled fucks think that their government has nothing better to do than sit around and coddle them. Leftards, niggers, spics, women and even conservatives create thousands of websites, march in hundreds of protests and recite speech after whiny god damn speech about how the gub'mint is one short step away from resurrecting Hitler using Stalin's body parts and beginning a new reign of terror across the nation. The origins of this irritating phenomenon can be traced back to one drunken night back in the 1780s. The continental congress was lounging about, drinking brandy and smoking reefer. As they were all enormously wealthy, the topic turned, as it often did, to the various follies of the poor and the negroid. Wouldn't it just be enormously droll, they laughed, if someone were to create laws that actually prevented you from having a man beaten for splashing mud on your coat? The entire room collapsed in a fit of laughter at this statement. In a grotesque game that vaguely resembled Mad Libs, the assembly compiled a list of freedoms that they would be in their cold graves before ever yielding to the common man. Still intoxicated, the men formed a mock quorum and took a vote, which passed with a round of hearty "ayes!" The next morning, the men realized in horror that they had actually made the joke list into law, an action which would cause untold suffering for America.
The Violators
The violators of civil rights are always agents of The Man. The Man HATES the idea that you might have any personal freedoms or privacy, so they use their agents to strip you of those rights at any time. Their nefarious agents include the following:
- Cops
- FBI
- Obama
- Dick Cheney
- Meter Maids
- The RIAA/MPAA
- Tom Cruise
- My Cock
The Uppity What Got Beat Down
Occasionally, some butthurt negro or negro sympathizer will take things too far and have to be taken back into the fold of conformity. Hard. This usually results in footage that is hilarious to all except those featured in it, which is of course the best kind of hilarious, and give every NORP within a thousand miles of the event a raging hard-on.
- Rodney King: The classic example, Rodney is an angry negro who made the mistake of driving while black, and running from the police when they tried to apprehend him. The resulting beatdown generated some hilarious footage; unfortunately, the cameraman was a butthurt liberal who used said footage to start a media outrage. Although an impartial judge and jury cleared the cops of any wrongdoing, the niggers went into ape rage and started the LA riots, which they lost to the Koreans. To placate the blacks, the government started another trial and tossed them some token convictions. This is a perfect example of the illusory nature of civil rights: Rodney was beat down because he was a subhuman negro, and the previously acquitted cops were thrown into the slammer because some niggers set fire to things.
- Andrew "Don't Taze Me Bro" Meyer: White boy here thought he could get away with being an asshole because he wasn't a poor negro, which was an absolutely ludicrous assumption. He pissed off "liberal" politician Al Gore enough to make the paunchy prick sic the cops on him. Hilariously, several burly cops had trouble restraining one skinny college kid, so they tasered his ass as he gave birth to a classic meme. This particular injustice happened in front of a huge crowd of ostensible civil rights-loving college students who might have easily overwhelmed the small handful of cops present and stopped his "rights" from being violated. The only thing they could do was shout "Rodney King" and "police brutality" like the bunch of impotent chickenshits they were. Proof (if proof were needed) that all liberals are cowards.
- Illegal Aliens: Illegal aliens are the medical cadavers of law enforcement, bodies which no one gives a fuck about that new cops can practice their more brutal takedowns on. Since they aren't citizens, it is even easier to take away their imaginary "rights", and thus a Mexican will suffer more brutality at the hands of police than the lowliest home-grown nigger. They are economically important as slave labor, and as bodies to fill prisons and feed the mouth of the prison-industrial complex.
- Terrorists: The cold war was good for Murka, as it came out of it wielding some of the most kick-ass, electronic, video game-like weaponry ever built. The Gulf War was started explicitly to show off its shiny new toys, leading to 100 hours of pure action news. Unfortunately, a few Arab and other malcontents realized that the amount of explosives needed to destroy one of these toys costs about 1/1000th of the cost of said toy. Enraged at the marks being placed on their mint condition collectibles, western governments realized they had to move fast. In a stunning display of elitism, they declared that because terrorists couldn't afford all of their shiny gear and fancy uniforms, they were too poor to be a real army, and thus they could do whatever the fuck they wanted with them. They also reaped the useful benefit of fear amongst the populace of terrorists, and amused themselves by creating increasingly ludicrous and ineffectual security measures to the vast approval of the frightened populace. Why else are they going to take your water away at the airport if not for the lulz?
- Children: As irritating as it may be to many internet users, minors do not have the legal ability to make decisions for themselves. Their parents have complete and utter authority to make them do whatever amusing things that they wish. This includes being a scientologist, taking piano lessons and being smacked around with every object imaginable if they disobey. Juvenile prisoners are some of the most entertaining of this bunch because they have so little power to take legal action on their own behalves, and must rely on overworked public defense. In one particularly lulzy instance, two judges were found to have taken kickbacks from prisons in exchange for sending kids who would not ordinarily get jail time to them. In one case, a girl made an offensive webpage of her principal, and ended up spending several months in jail. The jails these brats went to were poorly maintained and in many cases they were chewed on by rats. By the time the two judges were caught, many of the kids had already served their sentences, and it took forever and a day to appeal for the kids who were still incarcerated. Although they are now perma-banned from judging, and in jail where they surely fetched a high price at auction, we at ED salute these two master trolls.
Recompense
After someone has had their civil rights violated, their first impulse is to swear vengeance and file a nuisance lolsuit. We at ED have the sad duty of informing you that your chances of success are very slim. The key difference between a real lawyer and an e-lawyer is that a real lawyer understand the difference between written law and reality. Although you may technically be in the right so far as the placating lies in law texts tell you, the one rule of life is that no one in power is ever punished for anything, except when said punishment is advantageous for their opportunistic peers. You have far better odds of getting "justice" if you're a secretary whose ass is grabbed by a congressman in a swing district than if you're a hard-working black man who was beaten blind by the cops. The best an ordinary person can hope for is some BAAAWWW money paid at the taxpayers expense; ironically, this means that some of the money you got back was actually yours in the first place. It doesn't matter if you have footage of the crime; the police can beat you, your teachers can strip you, a paramedic can rape you and all that will happen is that they will be placed on paid leave until the ADD media sees a shinier object.
If you truly want to get justice, it is recommended that you go on a violent shooting spree, killing your oppressor and their innocent children. Remember, if you break the record you can not be charged with a crime.
