Christian Spanking Blogs
—Proverbs, 22:15 |
The Christian Spanking Blogs (CSB) are a collection of blogs about how to spank in a Christian manner.
Raising kids is hard work, the little fucks are always screaming their heads off about something. When it gets to the point where you just can't take it any more, maybe you'll shut the little fuck up by giving them a good smack on the ass. By itself this is not a terribly unusual child-rearing tactic, and many a NORP can be found smacking happily away at his loli's ass. However, there exists a special breed of sick fucks who love loli ass so much they must create websites devoted to it. On these forums they discuss how hard, how often, how naked, and with what objects the loli should be violated with. In doing so they have generated some of the greatest pedo fap material known to man. Enter the wild and whippy world of Spankbloggers! Because we all know that a kind, loving and understanding God wants you to beat the ever loving shit out of your children.
The Average User
The average user is an ugly, middle aged, middle to low class mom, who uses screen names that belong to dominatrices like "NoNonsenseMom", "traditionalmother", and "sterndisciplinarian". Men also frequent these forums, posting jizz-soaked fantasies of punishing their daughters while reading off biblical passages that justify, nay, require that they keep it up. However, the great and lulzy difference between this forum and so many others is that children are heavily encouraged to make accounts and talk with complete strangers about getting their panties dropped, thrown across the knee of their father, and disciplined. These retarded, generally southern assholes believe that spanking is the only way to raise a child, and if you don't whip their ass till it bleeds regularly, you will be raising a hell-bound, liberal, out-of-control freak.
Basic Tenets
First and foremost, spankies believe that all spankings should be delivered on the bare bottom. They believe that only liberals spank clothed children. Being almost universally Christian Fundie, or Semi-Fundie fucks, they believe that God only wants the MAN of the house beating up on her and the kids. The daddy has the power to arbitrate all ass-related discipline around the house, and mommy should only deliver the beatings when dad is busy. They also believe in bringing back corporal punishment to the schools and the prisons, as these places are clearly devoid of any group that might object. There is a general consensus that you should not spank boys, as it turns them into cock-craving homosexuals. The average spank blogger also believes in using all sorts of tools of ass-justice, and owns more paraphernalia than a BDSM-crazed crackwhore. To summarize, they believe that the man of the house should be the only one allowed to spank, and that only girls should be spanked, and when they are spanked it should always be bare bottomed. I'm starting to see a pattern here.
—Andrew, explaining why it is important to humiliate your naked 19 year old daughter. |
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The Blogs
The Blogs are where these unbelievably horny perverts go to share their love of non-consensual child BDSM with the whole world. They post some pretty cool stories about slapping their kids around, most of which are pretty sexy, especially when it's a 17 year old girl being spanked on the naked ass by her new step-father, which is a surprisingly common occurrence. They engage in large fellatio-parties of e-peen sucking, telling each other what great parents they are, and that God must surely approve of what they are doing. When talking about God's commands to punish their children, they are particularly fond of one verse from Proverbs 23:13:
Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.
Unfortunately, according to the trained biblical scholars at ED, they have wildly misinterpreted the meaning of this verse. It is quite clear, that when God used the word "rod", he actually meant cock, with this proper translation, the verse makes much more sense. We can also all stop and take a minute to appreciate the irony of the use of the masculine pronoun when considered with their firm belief that boy-spanking produces homos.
Many of their children also have a presence on the forums, making posts about the whippings that they totally deserved because they are such naughty children. These kids are glad that they have parents who love them enough to take such a strong interests in their behinds, and will happily visit these traditions upon their own children. Naturally, the smell of children proves too much for some to resist, resulting in some fairly amusing cases of stalking, such as the two shining examples seen in the pictures to the right. The line between pedophile and good father is bascially nonexistent in these forums. Many a man will masturbate over how right smacking their kids feels, and the awesome cleansing power of the spanking.
All in all, these blogs are a lulzfarm for quotes, the best of which have been selected for you by an illegal alien who was paid with a bullet to the head. Enjoy!
—joe, breaking the pedo high score |
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Doing it Right
Every so often one person practices the fine art of CP so well that he becomes a hero to the whole online-spanking community. Let me be clear, the actions and opinions of the following individuals are wholeheartedly supported by and entirely reflective of the opinions of all members of all online child discipline forums.
- Larry and Constance Slack: This couple of Jew-hova's witnesses were very upset when their daughter couldn't find their credit card in a pile of laundry. They gave her a "light beating" of 20 strokes, but the silly loli squirmed during it, so they decided more severe penalties were necessary. Her brothers tied her to a metal bed frame, her mother; a registered nurse put a gag into her mouth, and her father ordered her shirt cut off and her pants pulled off. Then he proceeded to give her the biblically determined "40 strokes minus one three times" (117 lashes for you retards) with plastic pipe tubing. However, he felt even 117 wasn't enough, and after 160 strokes, he had her turned over and hit her 39 more times on her chest and stomach. This epic beating lasted two hours, and when it was finished he left her in a basement bedroom and went upstairs to watch a DVD. She died soon of internal bleeding. Unfortunately, the police, notorious for their lack of a sense of humor, didn't understand proper child rearing, and they are both serving life in prison. On the way to the prison, Larry decided that he didn't want to live in a world where he wasn't free to beat a loli to death (he found out what the inmates will do to his plastic tubing beating a child to death ass), and hid a knife in the folds of his skin (police reports say he weighs 350 pounds), and tried to commit suicide with it. Unfortunately the fat which allowed him to conceal the knife also stopped it from killing him, he was treated at the hospital for minor wounds. Then the bastard was sent back into prison to meet his fate of ass-rape and shankings. The State Prosecutor, opted for the death penalty, but the Judge did not want to deprive the general prison population of their constitutional rights on giving these parents the traditional reward for such devout adherence to their faith.
- Kevin and Elizabeth Schatz: These pair of fundie God-fags adopted 3 kids from Liberia in order to show them the love of God. However, they did not account for the irritating Ebonics that these children would forever speak in. One day, after several hours of trying to get one young girl to say "four" instead of "fo", they lost it. Elizabeth held the niglet down while Kevin beat it to death with plastic pipe tubing. The cops, again showing their characteristic lack of humor, arrested both of them for this incident and for beating the shit out of their other 8 kids. Originally having plead not guilty, in June of 2011 they both came to a plea agreement that lead to Kevin serving at least 22 years of two life sentences for second-degree murder and torture. The mother, Elizabeth, was sentenced to serve 13 years, four months for voluntary manslaughter and infliction of unlawful corporal punishment. Tacked on to this for both parents was a six month county jail sentence for misdemeanor cruelty to a child, but they have been credited for their time served in the county lockup. By making this plea agreement they got out of the first degree murder life sentences for both parents, which is unfortunate, as we all know how fun it is to spend your whole life in prison as a child murderer.
- Michael Pearl: Although he has never reached the news with any beatings that he himself has perpetrated (yet), Pearl deserves a special mention for being an evangelical God-fag who pioneered the "plastic pipe tubing" method that allowed the above two couples to
dispatchdiscipline their children so effectively. He operates a website (http://www.nogreaterjoy.org) where he recommends "training" your children with the plastic tubing which will "sting but not bruise" (hey, he didn't say "not kill"). He is a god to the online spanking community. It also shows that any adult who reads this or any book, that condones activity that would be considered a war crime to inflict against enemy POW's in Gitmo and decides to follow those same methods without any critical examination has deep psychological problems.
- Roy Lessin: Another evangelist whose sole parenting method is the heiney whack. Lessin authored a number of books which are enormously popular with Christian retards. He has a concept that kids of any age should be spanked for not respecting the authority of their elders, whether they be 2, 50, 2 years older than them, or even related to them. If he weren't so into God's cock, he would be an amazing troll, as he has ruined more children's childhoods than rule 34, as seen in the quotes below:
—A butthurt lady rages at Roy for trolling her childhood. |
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Remember these parents the next time some fundie zealot screams about letting gay couples adopt. You never hear about gay couples beating kids to death with plastic tubes. They simply rape them in the peace and quiet of their own basements.
Trolling Techniques
Given that the bloggers are a bunch of self righteous fucks, they will generally honk quite loudly when stepped on, especially if you involve their children. Any of the following will make them shit themselves in indignation, though unfortunately they tend to be humorless assholes and hide out in post-with-approval-only blogs.
- Tell them how hot their erotic stories have gotten you.
- Ask their kids for pictures of their bruises from the last spanking to gauge if you are "doing it right".
- Say that you are a daughter that spanks her father.
- Suggest that they shouldn't beat their kids.
- Mention anyone from the "Doing It Right" section.
- Ask them why they enjoy naked children so much.
- Tell them that you have physically disciplined your children for denying the obvious truth of evolution.
- Mention that you add to the humiliation aspect of your daughter's punishment by fucking her afterward.
- Show them this study, or any study which details why they are horrible parents (there are a lot of them).
- Send all appropriate information to social services and law enforcement so they can be properly persecuted, I mean prosecuted. Their adherence to their faith will be reward by repeated ass-rapings and a shanking in jail. It will be worse if it is a female.
Voy.com
Many of the quotes you have seen so far were gleaned from the notoriously lulzy "Raising Christian Girls" blog. One of our favorites was the one where User "Jonathon" calls out to his stalking victim that although he has been kicked from Fatherly forums, he would still like to talk to her about telling her dad she has been talking to boys online, for which she deserves a spanking. What has been recently discovered by hardened-cat-eared-lulz-commandos working deep in enemy territory is that Jonathan RUNS the blog. Truly epic quotes were gleaned when a mod from the fatherly forums came to tell him to get his own lolis to stalk and stop poaching theirs.
—Jonathan just wants to be friends with the loli. |
See Also
External Links
Voy
Christian Spanking Blogs is part of a series on Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage. |
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